Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
