he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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