You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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