Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
