lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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