His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im part way to drunk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
