I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
