i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
