I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
