Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
