he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
