so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
vagina is talking i cant
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
