Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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