I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
