Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
