I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize