what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
