i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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