Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
