Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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