So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
