I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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