If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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