I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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