she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
