i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
honey bunches of taint.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize