i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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