I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
