4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
