I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
