I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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