if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
