i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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