Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize