I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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