She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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