He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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