btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
two words...techno handjob
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
