I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize