Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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