Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
