I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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