Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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