Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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