honey bunches of taint.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
