i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
