you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
