marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize