You just made me feel so damn special
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
