I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
