New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
