I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
