He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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