I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
