Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
