I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
