the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's shark week go big or go home
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
