look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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