dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
