i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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