need another drink. this is the easiest way
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
