Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
