i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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