Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
